In 1999, Chris and I were stationed at Ft. Bragg, North Carolina and were lucky enough to have the chance to spend Americas birthday with his Mom in VA and attend some amazing events that year. We decided to take a trip to Arlington mainly because I had never been there and I really wanted to go. We were newlyweds, a month to the day and going there with my new Military husband just seemed more than right. As we drove on 260W, we passes the grounds of Arlington. I could see from the road the immaculate grounds, perfect white rows of endless tombstones, the gorgeous old trees that shaded and protected those beneath her limbs and leaves.
We parked, and began our journey into Arlington. There is no words for the feelings that came over me. Breath taking and sobering are what they were but seem so little now as I look back. We walked through the gates and I found myself feeling an odd sense of peace and pride. We walked around as I placed little flags that I had insisted we buy from Michael's as we were leaving, which annoyed Chris but he humoured me and went in to get them. We decided to go and see the changing of the guard and as we stood and watched in awe of the precision and dedication these men took in protecting and honoring The Tomb Of The Unknown, Chris noticed a Cason and stood there intensely watching it as it made its way down the winding road past all the rows of white pristine headstones. He walked to the edge of the road to see it better. As he stood there ridged with a salute and tear that had formed making its way down his cheek, he took a deep breath. After lowering his salute, he turned to me, took my hand and kissed it, looked at me and said "where else should a military hero be buried? This is where I want to be one day when I die, and you need to be here with me as well, okay?" he kissed my hand again and we walked around some more. As we walked his words weighed heavily on my mind, for goodness sakes we had just gotten married what a thing to say to your new bride. But I had to make sure that is what he really wanted so I asked once more if that was really what he wanted and he said "Yes, I want you and I to be here at the end where our kids one day can come and visit us with love and pride". WOW he really had thought about it in those fleeting moments as he stood there in a salute to honor whom ever it was that was being laid to rest that day. For a few days after that the thought just stayed with me but after time faded into the depths of my memory as all things do with everyday life.
I will never forget that day. But as life and irony would have it, seven years later I was back at Arlington, fulfilling his last wish to be buried in the one place that we thought was the ultimate honor as a soldier to be buried. That particular day did not strike me as anything but the day I would be leaving Chris never to see him again. The day I would say my last good bye to the man who held my heart and I would love and miss forever from that moment on. A day that was very cold and had been raining, but as his Cason; now making its way down that very same winding road; that he stood watch over in a salute seven years ago as it past all the pristine white stones... the rain stopped and a ray of sun came shining through, but as it only lasted a few moments and then it was gone again leaving us with a cold cloudy day. Fitting the mood very well. But any thoughts beyond that and Arlington was pushed far back to the depths of my mind.
A year later they boys and I went up to Virginia to see Chris' Mom and send that Memorial Day with her and go visit Chris. As we drove up to Arlington I got a knot in my throat and couldn't breath. Chris' Mom asked me if I was okay and I said it was just so hard to see. She held my hand and said "its okay honey, we'll do it together". We drove slowly winding around to Section 60 which Im not even sure I knew until that moment was the section he was buried in. We pulled up and parked and I just sat there looking out the window, thinking "what on earth were we doing here, this can be where he is" I got out and got the boys out all the while looking around like a stranger and feeling very alone. We walked down past the Holy Tree and I knew he was six stones down from that, the odd things we remember. I stood in front of his headstone and a rush of emotions came over me and the tears just flowed as if I was right back on that day he was buried. I looked up to see the boys watching me and quickly composed myself. But as I did I saw the rows and rows of those that were behind him, slowly turning I realized there were now two more rows in front of him, how is that possible that that many families were now affected as I had been. No I wanted it to stop with me, never wanted another family to face this pain, loss and incredible feeling of loneliness.
Two years later we decided to go back and see Chris' Mom and go see Chris. I think before that it was just too much to bare. But I had done a huge amount of healing and felt as though it would be very good for us. This time going to Section 60, although was sad, more rows had been added after all; there was a calm feeling and a feeling of pure pride. My hero was there, were he belonged, with all his fellow comrades and that was a comfort for the first time. This time as I looked up I was back in awe of the beauty and splendor of Arlington. The history and love and patriotism that befalls that amazing place just took my breath away. I walked around placing flags (and giggling as I did remembering who irritated Chris was at me for making him get them in 199) on all my fellow widster's heroes graves. And then on the newest ones, the ones with no marker yet, the ones that were still fresh and new and so painful to see knowing a family was just beginning their journey. But the pride and sense of calm serenity I had this time was a comfort to me.
Being there now it's even more breath taking, even more amazing, even more sobering but now there is a difference, my husband, my hero, now a nations hero and the father of my children is a part of that history that so many see and stand in "awe" over when they visit just as I did in 1999. I will be going back up this Memorial Day and I know there will be a huge sense of pride and joy but with a twist of sorrow as there will be a family member missing at his gravesite this year. And I will make sure both know they are so very loved.
