This was written May 27, 2007... 13 months after Bryant's death. It was my first Memorial Day without him.
LaNita
*****************************
Babe...
It was not an easy weekend for me. NOT that any day without you has been easy. But this was different. Instead of the constant reminders of all the great stuff about you, this weekend was about remembering your death and your funeral. And to think I used to love hearing "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes! I don't want to remember that stuff...
All the rain and the storms seemed to fit my mood though. I am not sure that having a cookout and all the "typical" Memorial Day activities apply anymore. I always knew what it was all about, especially since Grandpa died on Memorial Day, but it was hard to get a real feel for it when he was a WWI vet and was able to live a long life. I know that it is a "holiday" and do not expect people to know or understand... HELL! Most people in this country do not know to put their hand over their heart during The National Anthem! So, why would I expect anyone to understand this! So, even though it made for a lousy holiday weekend, I am glad it rained.
You know, so often people will "thank me" for my "sacrifice". I know that they have only good intentions when they say it, but I always feel uncomfortable hearing it. I really don't want thanks for your death. The Lord Above KNOWS that I would take you back in a heartbeat and since I know that I would give everything I have to get you back, it is an undeserved thanks. I don't want anyone to thank me for something I hate! Just something I needed to say...
Oh Bry... you know I miss you and I know that you have been with me through every tear, every sleepless night, every lost moment. I certainly do not need a holiday to remind me of what I have lost.
May GOD keep you and all our service men and women who we have lost close to his heart EVERY day and not just for a weekend in May.
It was not an easy weekend for me. NOT that any day without you has been easy. But this was different. Instead of the constant reminders of all the great stuff about you, this weekend was about remembering your death and your funeral. And to think I used to love hearing "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes! I don't want to remember that stuff...
All the rain and the storms seemed to fit my mood though. I am not sure that having a cookout and all the "typical" Memorial Day activities apply anymore. I always knew what it was all about, especially since Grandpa died on Memorial Day, but it was hard to get a real feel for it when he was a WWI vet and was able to live a long life. I know that it is a "holiday" and do not expect people to know or understand... HELL! Most people in this country do not know to put their hand over their heart during The National Anthem! So, why would I expect anyone to understand this! So, even though it made for a lousy holiday weekend, I am glad it rained.
You know, so often people will "thank me" for my "sacrifice". I know that they have only good intentions when they say it, but I always feel uncomfortable hearing it. I really don't want thanks for your death. The Lord Above KNOWS that I would take you back in a heartbeat and since I know that I would give everything I have to get you back, it is an undeserved thanks. I don't want anyone to thank me for something I hate! Just something I needed to say...
Oh Bry... you know I miss you and I know that you have been with me through every tear, every sleepless night, every lost moment. I certainly do not need a holiday to remind me of what I have lost.
May GOD keep you and all our service men and women who we have lost close to his heart EVERY day and not just for a weekend in May.
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