This entry is a mile stone entry! I was interviewed for a DVD to be handed out to the “New” widows. It is an amazing project to be involved in. I have met so many incredible women that range from 21 to 41. Some of their husbands were killed in the war, some were murdered, some committed suicide, and some were sick and died after they got home. We are all facing a life without them and a life that we had not planned on!
I was able to share my story and my feelings though this DVD. At the premiere for it, I was able to meet all these women. We all laughed, cried, jokes around, drank and had a time that would otherwise never have happened! I have some incredible new friends and I am very lucky to say that.
I think about other war widows from previous wars and how awful it must have been to have their husbands looked upon as bad people, or not seen as a hero. These widows were all alone and did what was expected of them. They remarried in order to have the stability to raise their children and live a life that was considered acceptable back then. They married family members, usually the brother of their husband. To me that just seems so odd. They did not talk about the loss, what it meant and most of the children knew nothing about their fathers.
Wow ! How times have changed! Below is a blog I posted on Myspace. It explains about the weekend and how I felt about it all. I really did enjoy my visit and meeting all those wonderful women! They give me strength everyday!
I spent this past weekend in Austin, Texas! I was there along with around thirty other widows for a premiere of a DVD created to help "new" widows sort through and face the worst possible change life can offer. . . .the death of a spouse. There I shared my thoughts and memories with other widows. We all told "our" stories and shared our frustrations and anger about what had been handed to us. And although that is the most important thing we can do for each other, there was so much more to be offered.
There was an instant bond between us. They are the only other women that "know" what I am going through. They all can feel the pain and the joys that all this bring along in the journey. I felt as though I had known these girls for my whole life. They are all sisters to me, family and women that I would do ANYTHING for. There are not many "groups" that can say they have that among their members. And although we all have lost a spouse, the love of our lives, the one person we need the most, we all have our very own and different stories. The stories are amazing, they are heartfelt and will bring you to your knees within minutes of hearing them. But these stories are also what we all have in common, these stories are what make us who we are, they are part of our journey now, and as much as we hate it; these stories...our stories and sharing them is what makes us stronger and healthier.
Not all of us lost our husband to the war, but all of us ARE military widows and all of us ARE feeling and going through the same emotions. The tears are healing, the laughter is comforting, and the "I know what you mean" looks almost make you feel safe. As much as I hate it, knowing I am not alone has been the biggest saving grace for me. Knowing the feelings, thoughts and irrational behavior is "normal" and within my rights as a widow....has been what makes my days livable! When everyone else in your life is telling you to "get over it", "move on", or "its been two years what is wrong with you?", there are these women who tell you to ignore them and take your time, one day at a time and that is what is needed. Those who are going through it helping others going through it.
The DVD was amazing! There were about six of us who did the interviews for the DVD, yes me included. I know, who on earth would put Deb on a DVD, but they did! I was for lack of a better way to put it "the comic relief" and I am happy to be that! I gave the two year out perspective on being a widow. We were all at different stages in the game and I was the furthest out. The other women were incredible! Its harder to share those first days after you are notified, those last memories together, all the lost hopes and dreams, the days following, the funeral, the months that never seemed to end, the first year anniversaries, the birthdays, the holidays....all of it. Unless you are in the same ocean as us, you cant even begin to understand what our lives are like. Losing a parent, as an adult is sad; however losing someone who you were sharing every day with, every moment of life, every dream , every hope and every disappointment, well there is just no comparison. Any loss is sad but really, comparing your cat or dog to my husband and the father of my kids, well that will only get you a nasty look, tongue lashing or a broken nose! I have had more people tell me how they understand how I'm feeling b/c they lost their pet last year, wonder if they know how stupid that really sounds? I'm guessing not!
The most rewarding part of the weekend for me, besides meeting the most incredible bunch of girls, and hearing all the stories; was being told that what I said made such a difference. That seeing me laugh and in a place to joke around about it was a comfort to them. There were a few that were "new" widows, four months out and I got the biggest hugs from them! They told me I gave them hope and that all the women on there are so strong and confident in where they are. All I can say, is....its a mask for most of us most of the time. We are strong when we need to be, but the most important thing to know is.....its okay to be "weak", b/c being "weak" is what makes you strong! If you never let yourself cry or really feel the pain, you will never more beyond it. You will be stuck with it for life and that is not what any of our husbands ever wanted for us. Show him how amazing you are by going through the emotions, the pain and coming out the other end, better and mostly stronger for it all. The bottom line is, its okay to cry, its okay to be mad, you hate him for a while, its all a part of the journey! Feel it, breathe it, take it all in and then when you are ready decide what you will do with all that.
This weekend was meant to do exactly what it did do. Bring us all together, share our stories, have some fun, laugh, cry and show those who are just beginning, in the middle or further down the road that we can all do it and we all ARE! We are all here for each other and I could not be more lucky than to have each and every one of those girls in my life!
If I cant have Chris by my side, then my AWP girls are who I chose to have!
Thank you Taryn for creating an amazing group for us to all be a part of and feel as we are family members to. You are wonderful and I adore you!
LaNita, as always girl, you crack my ass up! Thank you for being such a wonderful friend! I love ya girl!
Jennifer, thank you for coming, I loved seeing you! I have missed you! I hope you will join the group of crazies that I adore so much!
Tara, Windy, Angel, Beth, Jocelyn, Natalie, G, Chilla, Natasha and ALL OF YOU, thank you for being so amazing! Thank you for your friendship and support! Y'ALL ROCK!!!!!!
Karey, thank you for the cake, the cookies, the love, the support, you are my sister by heart! I love you and will see you soon!
The picture above is the cake Karey and I made together for the premier! :)
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