The AWP and ME!

As I sit here 4 and a half years later and think about putting down in words what the AWP means to me, I instantly have a smile on my face.  There really are no words to describe what Taryn and the group of the most amazing women mean to me.  These women are strong, independent, loving, sweet, caring and above all supportive and understanding. This is the story of my journey with the AWP.

I was told about the AWP from another widster who had just found the group herself. There was a group of us looking for a group that was specifically for younger widows of our generation and war.  I had been a part of another widow group that was founded  a very long time ago, and although they do amazing work with our benefits and legislation, that was not what I was looking for. So I went on the Americanwidowproject.org web page and sat there quietly looking through all the stories and with my heart heavy and tears pouring down my face, I decided to add my story as well. As I sat there typing the words that flowed from my finger tips, the words and realities that made my life come to a screeching halt I knew in my heart I had found an amazing group of ladies that would understand this journey better than anyone in my life could. I was so excited, thrilled to be a part of women that were like me.

A few weeks after I joined the group I got a friend request from a LaNita Herlem on my Myspace page. I opened the request and there she was my first connection to the AWP. She had written that her husband Bryant had died in 2006, by and IED in Iraq. She wrote that she had been married the same amount of years, that they had been together the same amount, that we were close in age, both been at Ft. Hood the same time frame; and at that moment something clicked in me and I was so over joyed because I knew for no reason at all that I had finally found the right group. I added her as quickly as I could and posted on her page. We posted back and for for what seemed like days into weeks. We shared it all. Our before life and after life, our love for our heroes, the time with them, the silly little quirks, what we missed, what we longed for, our hopes, our dreams and all that was shattered with just one ring of a doorbell.  I had met other widsters before LaNita that I love and adore to no end, they are my life, my heart and my family; but there was just something about LaNita that clicked and made me feel like I was finally where I was meant to be.

After I posted my blog on the AWP site, Taryn, the founder; befriended me on Myspace as well. I soon added her and we started to chat. Finding out that she has just lost Michael and was strong enough to start such an amazing group, well...floored me.  I was so taken by her and all she had done in such a short time. We exchanged phone number and the calls came every few days. Again I had found another amazing connection. This young widow only 22, so determined to make a difference and a "home" for today's generation of war widows was now a part of my life, my family. Taryn asked me shortly after that if I would like to be a part of the DVD she was making for the AWP. She told me it was for new widows that needed to know they were not alone. They would be sent out to them along with an invite to the group. The best thing is we don't pay dues to be in the AWP, we did that the day we heard the doorbell ring. I was so excited but wondered what on earth would she want with me?

Taryn and her one man camera crew Don, came to my house that March. I was so excited but man was I nervous. Don set up his camera equipment and started to follow the boys around the house.  He filmed them playing, he filmed them, eating, helping make dinner, colouring and even filled them being taught how to put on makeup by Taryn. We went to release balloons in honor of Daddy, Don was not far behind. That weekend was spent sharing stories with Taryn and Don and soon to be a nation of widows.  With each question Taryn asked, my heart would skip a beat as I tried to put into words how I felt about Chris, our life together, his loss, the boys, my hopes and dreams and all that surrounded what was now my new life and journey.  It was not easy but I bit my bottom lip and added the "Deb flare" to the interview. I told story after story as my mind flooded with memories of our life together. It was an amazing weekend. When we were not filming we were chatting up a storm, drinking beers and laughing our asses off.  Taryn had her camera too and walked around the house taking some amazing pictures. The one of Owie in my "Beer" hat with the "My Mom Rules" T-shirt on was a still Don took while here.  The weekend was one I will never forget!

August of that year Taryn called and said they were having a premier party in Austin for the movie. WOW! How cool is that? So I scrambled to find someone to take the boys that weekend and I headed down. How awesome to be a part of all this.  The first day there we all went together for me to get my Supergirl tattoo. After a long four hour sitting I had a full colour and very vivid tattoo on my back that represented how I felt I was at that point and still today. But I digress, since Ill blog about that at a later date.  The rest of the time I was in Harker Heights creating the cake for the premier.

FINALLY the day was here! The premier of the DVD that was a labor of love for Taryn and Don. I was elated. How fun was this going to be? I had never been around another widow before Taryn and I had never been in a room with so many at one time. The energy in that movie theater was electric! You could have lit a whole city with the vibe of energy we were putting off. We all ordered our food, pitcher of beer and sat down. I was surrounded by amazing women, I had Jen Funkhouser and LaNita Herlem right there by my side. Karey, who is not a widster but my best friend was there with me. The movie started and we all took a deep breath. Heeeere weeee goooo....

The movie began and the stories started to flow from these amazing women. Six of us all together, each at a different stage and time in our journeys. I, of course was the oldest in age and furthest along in the group. I was sharing what 2 yrs and beyond was like for me. How far I had come, how amazing life was, how much I missed Chris and all that I was doing in my life. There were stories of quick marriages, long time loves, no kids and kids, college, stories of despair and hope and of course the laughter, funny comments and sarcasm....added by yours truly!   The movie was filled with memories, pictures and stories of lives lived and lost, love that would never end and a journey that we all found ourselves on and didn't want. This was a group of amazing ladies, not just in the film but those all round me that filled that theatre, the women that came from all over America in all different stages of grief and journey to be together as one family.  These women were my WIDSTERS...my FAMILY!

Since that summer, I have been so lucky to meet and be a part of so many Widster's lives. I have been able to help and comfort and honor those who are in my life and their heroes. I have since finished my first book that was published that same year and that too has helped so many. The AWP is where I first found a home and a place to be happy, content and feel NORMAL for the first time in 2 yrs. That continues today and although I am not as involved as I use to be, I love all the Wisters in the AWP and would do anything for them.