This is the blog I wrote after my first AWP event... the premiere of the AWP dvd in Austin. It is also the first time Deb and I physically met in person! But more than that, it was my first real connection to my widsters and finally understanding that I NEEDED them in my life. I will always remember that last night, sitting in the lobby of the Radisson around 4 am, none of us wanting the night to end. I think that weekend was a turning point for us all...
*********************************************************
This past weekend was a very new experience for me. Thanks to the hard work of some very beautiful women (and especially T) I got to spend this past weekend getting to know and just having fun with some of my sister-widows. Even though I have been a widow for over 2 years and am involved with a few military widow groups, this is the first chance I have had to really spend time with these many women I have become friends with online.
It was also my first time in Austin... believe it or not! Yes, I have lived an hour away from Austin for the past 10 years and outside of driving straight through when going to San Antonio, the occasional shopping trip to Ikea, or my Christmas with friends at Cool Rivers, I have NEVER spent time in Austin! Go figure! I mean the motto of the city is "Keep Austin Weird"! That alone is all the reason I would need to check it out! And believe me, Austin did not disappoint! lol
The reason for all of us coming together in Austin is the launch of the American Widow Project (AWP). It is an online support group started by a widow, made up of widows, ran by widows, all information and support is provided by widows... that being military widows of course. It has been amazing for me especially since online fits perfectly in my schedule.
The weekend did not start out too fabulous for me because I got a late start and got caught up in 5 o'clock traffic. FUNFUN (written with the utmost amount of sarcasm pouring off those words). See, I HATE traffic. ABSOLUTELY HATE IT! What should have taken an hour, took 2 1/2 hours. Then when I finally made it to the road where the hotel is located, it ended up being a "funky road". I am driving to the hotel, but the block where the hotel is located is one-way. Not the whole road mind you, but that one single block. So even though I am sitting at the stop light and can see the hotel, I cannot drive there because the one-way is going the wrong way for direction I need to go. I have to take a right, go one street over, turn left, go a block turn left again and then turn back onto the street I was originally on so that I am now going the right way on the one-way road that is only a block long and can now get to my hotel. Excuse me, but WHY would one single block on a main road be one way and the rest of the road be a two-way??? Maybe that is TX DOT's contribution to keeping Austin weird...
Needless to say when I get to the hotel, I am NOT a happy widow. I immediately decided that $20 was not too much to pay for valet parking because at that point, looking for a parking place was not something I wanted to deal with. All I wanted was to be OUT of the car and was very happy to pay in order to do that! I walked in and immediately found a group of AWP widows in the lobby. I overheard one of them say a name I recognized and their memorial tattoos confirmed it. They were on their way to dinner at the Iron Works. I decided to skip that because I wanted to get settled in my room AND I was wearing one of my favorite white blouses... very dangerous when eating bbq! Besides, the thing I was really looking forward to was happening later that night and I wanted to be rested and relaxed so that I could enjoy it. I was seriously excited about the BATS!
One of the weird and very cool things that you can do in Austin is to go to the Congress St bridge on a Friday night and watch the bats come out to feed. Like a zillion bats live under this bridge! We met out at the bridge around 8:15 which gave us about 30 minutes for introductions to the widows I did not know and a "real" introduction to the widows I know online and have given so much support to me since I joined the group. There are a couple widows that I have already met before through other events and was so glad to see their familiar faces. Needless to say, there is no way in HELL I was going to remember everyone since there were 30 widows there, but by Sunday I think I had about 25 names and faces memorized. Not bad for my 41-year old memory!
The coolest for me was finally meeting T, the widow who started the group. She gives so much of her time and so much of herself to the group. She listens to our suggestions and does her best to follow through with our ideas. At only 22, I think she is an Old Soul. By that I mean that I think she understands the importance of connection and reaching out beyond herself. She started the group just months after her husband was killed and in less than a year, it has grown very quickly (mainly just by word-of-mouth) and has even been featured in the national news. I personally think it is amazing all she has done. And I do not mean to knock 22-year olds, but I have never met one who can do what she has done especially considering what she was going through personally. T would be the first to say that she has gotten a lot of help along the way and I am proud to say that I have been one of the many widows who have contributed stories and (hopefully) inspiration to the widows who will come after us. But for each of us many widows who have helped to lay stones in building the AWP, it is T who gave us the foundation on which to build. Thank you T for giving us a place to lay our pain and make something positive out of something that has been so bad!
Now, back to the bats! I think everyone would agree that bats are not everyone's thing and there were some widows who very happily (and quickly) walked away as soon as they experienced the first bats coming out for the night. As for me, I thought it was just really cool and special. Before the bats came out, you could hear them squeaking as they woke up. They flew out from underneath the bridge in small groups of a few hundred and all of them went flying in the same direction. (BTW, like an idiot I forgot to take my camera with me for the weekend- ugh!). While I thoroughly enjoyed watching the bats, I do have to admit that I did not enjoy their smell. It wasn't strong enough to knock you down, but just a slight musky scent. But what can you expect since bats are rodents with wings. Rodents smell! But believe me, the smell was a small price to pay to see them all come out for the night.
After the bats, rather than go out and party, I went back to my room, did some homework and watched the Nationwide race. I know that sounds fuddy-duddy, but the homework had to get done and I also knew I was getting up early the next morning so I needed to sleep. Well, I got my homework done, but sleep was out of the question. NEVER EVER EVER get a room near the elevator. I woke up everytime someone got off that elevator and that was probably because they were happily wasted. And I definitely know that I am a country girl because there are a lot of sirens in the city on a Friday night and they all seemed to pass right by the Radisson. Saturday morning came very quickly.
Saturday was a lot of fun. We went to Wimberley Zipline Adventures. It was not as fun as I thought it would be. Do not get me wrong. I would definitely do it again! But I could not quite get the whole stopping thing at first. It is simple, but I had problems with realizing that if my brake hand comes off the cable, I can put it back on! I just got so focused on trying to keep my hand on the line that I made it harder than it was. I think I am the only one that stopped on the line before getting to the end point also. That meant I had to pull myself to the end... and the cable was going uphill. Awesome upperbody workout! I think I am also the only person that grabbed the cable when trying to brake (I was trying to not let my hand fly off the cable). Grabbing the cable is a no-no. It twists you around and you don't slow down, so luckily there were two men to catch me (going about 30 miles an hour). I am not sure they enjoyed that, but I actually thought it was pretty fun. Definitely a bit of a rush! lol
The next thing we did was my favorite thing and I will be going back to do this AGAIN! We went to San Marcos (I think) and tubed down the river. That was SO relaxing and SO fun! Even getting stuck on the rocks in the rapid areas was amusing. My only complaint would be the nice sunburn I got on my underarms. I mean WHO puts sun block on their underarms?! I definitely will when I go back, that is for sure!
Later that night we went to the Alamo Draft House to see the American Widow Project documentary. It is really great and I think they are going to try and get it shown at some film festivals. A copy will also be given to every widow from the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars. But the best part of that night for me, was finally meeting Deb. She is the widow I have connected with the most on a personal basis and is one of those people I know we would have been friends even if we had met in our "prior" lives. It was also the first time I got to spend some real time with JenF. It was a lot of fun hanging with her too!
The most important resource provided by the AWP (in my opinion) is simply the widows in the group. The AWP documentary features 6 of our ladies telling their story. As I listened to each of these stories, I know exactly what they are feeling and needing in that moment. The details may be different, but I have lived the exact same moments, had the same fears. We have all struggled to make our own new paths according to our own individual personalities and needs, and while each path is different, it is the struggle that we all relate to and understand.
One moment in the film really hit me. One of the women mentioned that she no longer talks to God, she talks to her husband. I know ALL about that. I used to pray every night and I still do, but now I talk to Bryant when I pray. It is hard to explain. It's like I am on a 3-way call and I know God is listening in, but it is to Bryant that my words are directed. My connection to Bryant is God, so maybe that is why I do it. I don't know. I always end by asking God to take care of Bryant (until I can be there and do it myself) and to take care of our troops... I guess maybe this is just one of those things where you have to walk in my shoes to truly understand.
After the Alamo, we grabbed some margaritas at a Mexican Restaurant and then we all hit 6th Street which is where all the bars are located.
The first place we stopped was decorated like a 1960s hair salon. I kid you not! And if there was any question about it being a gay bar, that was answered very quickly and rather obscenely. One little guy was attempting to do what looked like breakdancing when he stopped (while upside down on the floor), put his hand between his legs and used his finger to simulate gay sex. That was a bit too much for me because gay or straight or whatever, it was plain frickin rude. The next stop was a bit more touristy... Coyote Ugly. Watching the whole Coyote Ugly girls dance thing was pretty fun and I did buy a t-shirt. So yeah, I was a tourist. lol The last bar was definitely THE BEST! It was the Dueling Pianos place. SO MUCH FUN! I am actually shocked that it was my favorite because I love to dance and this was not that type of bar. It was 2 guys at their pianos making snipes at each other and playing/singing songs. Certain songs would have the WHOLE bar singing. They ended the night with journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and I bet they could hear us in the other bars! That is another place I hope to go back to before moving. Of course, if it doesn't work out before then, I'll come visit Deb and make her take me!
After getting back to the motel, we sat for a while in the lobby. I don't think anyone was really ready to say goodbye. It felt good to be around other women who KNEW as no one else can. There are those who love me and try to understand, those who sympathize, but these women KNOW, and I was not quite ready to pull away from that connection I had made.
But early Sunday, I got back in my car and headed home. My dogs were very VERY happy to see me and not just because they missed me (sorry Nay- you know I am mean like that!). lmao I settled back into real life... my history books and a recording of Saturday night's NASCAR race. Yes, I even missed the race to spend the weekend in Austin... It was worth it!
To ALL my SISTER WIDOWS- Lots of Love!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyzwNsjfP1I
(There are several "In Their Boots" videos from that weekend. This is just one)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment