I guess a lot of people would consider this blog to be written a little late, even by my standards... yes, I know I have a problem with punctuality. But actually, it isn't. I had decided to not write anything about September 11, 2001, mainly because it has become very personal to me since I consider my husband's death to be linked to that event. I am not really sure that America feels that way since so many people seem to want to make Iraq a separate event from 9/11 and Afghanistan. But here it is a week later, and I am still thinking about how I feel and what my thoughts are... So here goes. My random thoughts and feelings about what we now call Patriot Day.
Sept. 11, 2001 was an odd day for me. Almost upside down. I woke up very late that morning to the phone ringing. First, back then, I NEVER slept past 7:30am and was typically up around 7. My body was on it's own internal clock back then (very unlike now). Second, it was my sister on the phone calling to tell me to cut on my tv to the news, which NEVER happens. I am the one who is always calling her and telling her what I saw on the news since I was a news junkie back then (very unlike now). I cut on the tv and the world had changed. I am not sure how else to describe it. But from that moment, life was upside down and it was unknown. What was going to happen next? For those of us who were part of the military family back then, life has simply NOT been the same since. I have never cried about that day though. I have been angry, confused, lost, and scared (what army spouse was not?!), but I never shed a tear. Not until last week.
As I was on my way to the AFAP Conference, a recording came on. It started with TAPS which should make ANYONE associated with the military tear up or at least get a lump in their throat. Then it went into a lot of different sound bites from that day- people who were there and witnessed the towers coming down, people looking for loved ones, news reporters, and the President. It was not anything that I had not heard before (like every 9/11 since the attack). Suddenly, I found myself crying. It was the first time in a long time that I had cried for something that wasn't about Bryant, and I was surprised I was doing it. I am not really even sure that I understand exactly why I was crying, except that maybe, I realized in that moment, how overwhelming that event was for us and our country. I also realized how much we have forgotten. How much we have moved on.
Two Thousand Nine Hundred Seventy-Four. That is how many people died that day. One Hundred Eighty-Four at the Pentagon. Fourty in Pennsylvania on Flight 93. Two Thousand Four Hundred Seven in the World Trade Center. Three Hundred Forty-Three Firemen and Paramedics. Many more have become sick and died due to respiratory disease from being at Ground Zero for so long after the attack. More will follow.
I know that there will be some people out there who will disagree with this statement, but I was watching Oprah's show about the Children of 9/11 and she opened the show by saying that these people sacrificed their lives. Outside of the firemen, paramedics, and other emergency personnel, I do not believe that the anyone else sacrificed their life that day (ok, technically, the terrorists did too, but I try to not waste my brain space on them). What did they give their lives for? That is what sacrifice means... They did not give their lives for anything and while it may be HARSH to hear, the deaths of those victims were meaningless. There is no sane reason for these people to have died! Every single one of those victims went to work that day with no thought of dying. They were not heroes. They were simply going to work and going about their daily routines and living their lives like all the rest of us do everyday. They were innocent people whose lives were taken, ripped violently away! They were murdered. It was an act of war upon us. US! I think that it is wrong for us to label these people as heroes who sacrificed because it separates them from us. They were innocent victims of a heinous terrorist attack. This does not mean there were not many heroic acts after the attacks occurred. I simply feel that when we use words like "sacrificed" and "heroes" it makes it easier for us to distance the victims from ourselves, when, in fact, THEY ARE US. In the mind of the killers, their hatred is as pure for me as it is for anyone who died that day. We have forgotten that. No individual person was targeted. Americans were targeted. You and Me.
Afghanistan... (and we call Korea "The Forgotten War"!) How disgusting is it that this country would rather hear about Britney Spears rather than what is happening in Afghanistan! What does that say about us and our culture?! But it is so far away from here! I think we found out on 9/11 that the world is not a very large place anymore. Afghanistan is not so far away that the terrorists were deterred from coming here to attack us. The Atlantic and the Pacific are no longer secure borders that seperate us from the rest of the world. With our very open borders, we are a very vulnerable country. I do not have a problem with people coming across our borders to work or find a better life. If I was in their shoes, I would probably try to do the exact same thing. But how do we allow our borders to remain so open and HOPE that one of those people coming across is not another radical fundamentalist?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> (continuation)
Well it is now 6 years and 9 days later. When I was writing before, I guess this is where I really did not want to go... Bryant. Bryant and the 4000+ soldiers who have died in the War on Terrorism. Not the War in Iraq or Afghanistan because that is not what this is. Maybe there was no link between Saddam and 9-11, but there is definitely a link between Saddam and terrorism. There were terrorist training camps in Iraq. Al-Quaeda is definitely in Iraq now and have been for a good while. Saddam and his family, especially his sons, were evil personified. Were you aware that the Baath Party (Saddam's political party) was originally a fascist party that was patterned after Hitler's Nazis? HMMMMM.... No, there were no WMDs (none we were told about) and we did not go in to save the Iraqi people. Other countries pose those same threats (Iran, North Korea come to mind). Oil was the deciding factor. We all know this. That is something that is very hard for us to admit... not that we went in for oil, but that we went in because we are soooo dependant on oil. We, you and me, need that oil! But that is a whole other rant... But still, the terrorists are there now.
After the attacks, so many people joined the military. An America united, for a short time. For those of us who were in the military prior, I think that we are still looking for a "new normal" or whatever the hell that is suppose to mean. Cynically, I think that with the death of Bryant, my life is more normal than other military families. I no longer have the fear or the anxiety that comes with each deployment. I no longer have to play the waiting game... when will they be put on the list, when will they leave, when will they be able to contact family, when will he IM... I no longer wait for answers because I no longer ask the questions and I wish that I did. But still, as I sit on the outside edge, I am still affected. It is only recently, that our parking lots at the commissaries and PX's have been opened up inside the concrete barricades. I will be surprised if our military bases will ever be open bases again... at least within my lifetime. The military now has a whole new set of acronyms we are now familiar with, such as TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) or CAC (Casualty Assistance Center) or OIF (Operation Iraqi Freedom) or even the ACUs. PTSD is as common a word as the flu. Divorce is as common as a cold. We drive past certain areas on base and see the memorials to our FALLEN... or we avoid driving there if we can because it is just too painful. We were recently reminded of how we are targets when the plot to attack Ft. Dix was uncovered.
So 6 years and 9 days later... Everything changed for the families of those that died that day. For the military, so much is still changing, everyday as we pretend that things are "normal". For the rest of America (outside of a small few), life is normal again. Isn't it.
I know this blog is not so easy to follow... my train of thought is not so easy to follow either. I apologize for that. I can only say that while my random thoughts on this subject are jumbled and confusing, my feelings are not. What I know for sure is that I am still angry; that every soldier that has died in combat since then, died in a war that started on that day; that if we pull out now, we leave behind a burning powder keg that will most likely be as destructive to the world as 9-11 was to our country; that we are lying if we think any different; and, that less than 5% of this country really and truly cares... because it does not affect them at all.
Call me cynical, if it makes you feel better, but you cannot say that I am not telling the truth.
Happy Patriot Day (as our children get to go and sing around the flag pole)!
Sept. 11, 2001 was an odd day for me. Almost upside down. I woke up very late that morning to the phone ringing. First, back then, I NEVER slept past 7:30am and was typically up around 7. My body was on it's own internal clock back then (very unlike now). Second, it was my sister on the phone calling to tell me to cut on my tv to the news, which NEVER happens. I am the one who is always calling her and telling her what I saw on the news since I was a news junkie back then (very unlike now). I cut on the tv and the world had changed. I am not sure how else to describe it. But from that moment, life was upside down and it was unknown. What was going to happen next? For those of us who were part of the military family back then, life has simply NOT been the same since. I have never cried about that day though. I have been angry, confused, lost, and scared (what army spouse was not?!), but I never shed a tear. Not until last week.
As I was on my way to the AFAP Conference, a recording came on. It started with TAPS which should make ANYONE associated with the military tear up or at least get a lump in their throat. Then it went into a lot of different sound bites from that day- people who were there and witnessed the towers coming down, people looking for loved ones, news reporters, and the President. It was not anything that I had not heard before (like every 9/11 since the attack). Suddenly, I found myself crying. It was the first time in a long time that I had cried for something that wasn't about Bryant, and I was surprised I was doing it. I am not really even sure that I understand exactly why I was crying, except that maybe, I realized in that moment, how overwhelming that event was for us and our country. I also realized how much we have forgotten. How much we have moved on.
Two Thousand Nine Hundred Seventy-Four. That is how many people died that day. One Hundred Eighty-Four at the Pentagon. Fourty in Pennsylvania on Flight 93. Two Thousand Four Hundred Seven in the World Trade Center. Three Hundred Forty-Three Firemen and Paramedics. Many more have become sick and died due to respiratory disease from being at Ground Zero for so long after the attack. More will follow.
I know that there will be some people out there who will disagree with this statement, but I was watching Oprah's show about the Children of 9/11 and she opened the show by saying that these people sacrificed their lives. Outside of the firemen, paramedics, and other emergency personnel, I do not believe that the anyone else sacrificed their life that day (ok, technically, the terrorists did too, but I try to not waste my brain space on them). What did they give their lives for? That is what sacrifice means... They did not give their lives for anything and while it may be HARSH to hear, the deaths of those victims were meaningless. There is no sane reason for these people to have died! Every single one of those victims went to work that day with no thought of dying. They were not heroes. They were simply going to work and going about their daily routines and living their lives like all the rest of us do everyday. They were innocent people whose lives were taken, ripped violently away! They were murdered. It was an act of war upon us. US! I think that it is wrong for us to label these people as heroes who sacrificed because it separates them from us. They were innocent victims of a heinous terrorist attack. This does not mean there were not many heroic acts after the attacks occurred. I simply feel that when we use words like "sacrificed" and "heroes" it makes it easier for us to distance the victims from ourselves, when, in fact, THEY ARE US. In the mind of the killers, their hatred is as pure for me as it is for anyone who died that day. We have forgotten that. No individual person was targeted. Americans were targeted. You and Me.
Afghanistan... (and we call Korea "The Forgotten War"!) How disgusting is it that this country would rather hear about Britney Spears rather than what is happening in Afghanistan! What does that say about us and our culture?! But it is so far away from here! I think we found out on 9/11 that the world is not a very large place anymore. Afghanistan is not so far away that the terrorists were deterred from coming here to attack us. The Atlantic and the Pacific are no longer secure borders that seperate us from the rest of the world. With our very open borders, we are a very vulnerable country. I do not have a problem with people coming across our borders to work or find a better life. If I was in their shoes, I would probably try to do the exact same thing. But how do we allow our borders to remain so open and HOPE that one of those people coming across is not another radical fundamentalist?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> (continuation)
Well it is now 6 years and 9 days later. When I was writing before, I guess this is where I really did not want to go... Bryant. Bryant and the 4000+ soldiers who have died in the War on Terrorism. Not the War in Iraq or Afghanistan because that is not what this is. Maybe there was no link between Saddam and 9-11, but there is definitely a link between Saddam and terrorism. There were terrorist training camps in Iraq. Al-Quaeda is definitely in Iraq now and have been for a good while. Saddam and his family, especially his sons, were evil personified. Were you aware that the Baath Party (Saddam's political party) was originally a fascist party that was patterned after Hitler's Nazis? HMMMMM.... No, there were no WMDs (none we were told about) and we did not go in to save the Iraqi people. Other countries pose those same threats (Iran, North Korea come to mind). Oil was the deciding factor. We all know this. That is something that is very hard for us to admit... not that we went in for oil, but that we went in because we are soooo dependant on oil. We, you and me, need that oil! But that is a whole other rant... But still, the terrorists are there now.
After the attacks, so many people joined the military. An America united, for a short time. For those of us who were in the military prior, I think that we are still looking for a "new normal" or whatever the hell that is suppose to mean. Cynically, I think that with the death of Bryant, my life is more normal than other military families. I no longer have the fear or the anxiety that comes with each deployment. I no longer have to play the waiting game... when will they be put on the list, when will they leave, when will they be able to contact family, when will he IM... I no longer wait for answers because I no longer ask the questions and I wish that I did. But still, as I sit on the outside edge, I am still affected. It is only recently, that our parking lots at the commissaries and PX's have been opened up inside the concrete barricades. I will be surprised if our military bases will ever be open bases again... at least within my lifetime. The military now has a whole new set of acronyms we are now familiar with, such as TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) or CAC (Casualty Assistance Center) or OIF (Operation Iraqi Freedom) or even the ACUs. PTSD is as common a word as the flu. Divorce is as common as a cold. We drive past certain areas on base and see the memorials to our FALLEN... or we avoid driving there if we can because it is just too painful. We were recently reminded of how we are targets when the plot to attack Ft. Dix was uncovered.
So 6 years and 9 days later... Everything changed for the families of those that died that day. For the military, so much is still changing, everyday as we pretend that things are "normal". For the rest of America (outside of a small few), life is normal again. Isn't it.
I know this blog is not so easy to follow... my train of thought is not so easy to follow either. I apologize for that. I can only say that while my random thoughts on this subject are jumbled and confusing, my feelings are not. What I know for sure is that I am still angry; that every soldier that has died in combat since then, died in a war that started on that day; that if we pull out now, we leave behind a burning powder keg that will most likely be as destructive to the world as 9-11 was to our country; that we are lying if we think any different; and, that less than 5% of this country really and truly cares... because it does not affect them at all.
Call me cynical, if it makes you feel better, but you cannot say that I am not telling the truth.
Happy Patriot Day (as our children get to go and sing around the flag pole)!
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