I was in Texas, Chris was stationed at Ft. Hood. He was still up at Ft. Leavenworth finishing the CCC, Captains Career Course. I was still painting and our household goods had just arrived a few days prior. My phone rang at 8:50 and it was my best friend Chelle, she said "I know its cleaning day and you usually listen to John Mellencamp so I know the TV is not on, but you need to turn it on". I asked her why and she said, "Just turn it on Deb"... so I did. There I sat watching this tower bellow in smoke and couldnt wrap my brain around what I was seeing and then all of a sudden there it was happening again, but I thought they were just showing what had already happened. The news anchor came on in the back ground and said, "Oh My God another plane has hit the other tower, this is unreal is it a mistake what is going on?" It didnt even cross anyone's mind at that point that it could possibly be something deliberate. As I sat there with my mouth open I somehow managed to pick up my cell phone and call Tara who was at work. I asked her if she had seen the news and she said they were watching now. There was nothing more to say at that point and we just sat quietly on the phone, both of us with similar looks on our faces and watched. Finally Tara said, "Im going to call my Mom Ill call you back." I tried desperately to get in touch with Chris with no luck, he was in class. I couldnt find his Mom either. I called and called frantic to make sure I knew where all my loved ones where, knowing full well they were nowhere near this, but when fear grips your heart rational thinking goes out the door.
As I sat there glued to the TV as all Americans were, the story started to unfold. The next plane hit the Pentagon, then the plane went down in PA. It was obvious at that time, this was not an accident and we were under attack. But why, who would do this? And as I sat there, fear gripped, heart pounding and tears streaming down my face I thought, "Oh God, this means a war, this means fighting back to protect America and our freedoms.....Oh God this mean Chris will go to war!!!" My heart tightened and I couldnt breathe. Every breath was painful, every breath was harder than the one before. My phone rang and I jumped, it was Chris. He said, "Honey have you seen?" I said through tears, "yes". He asked what was wrong and I told him....there was silence for a moment which seemed as hours had passed and he said in a low somber voice, "Yes, it does mean war and it does mean me going, but that is what I train for, that is who I am...do you understand?" Again in a low tear filled voice I said, "Yes of course I do, just doesnt make it easier." We talked for a little bit, Chris trying to reassure me it would all be okay, as he always did.
That night Tara and I sat glued to the TV. Like all Americans trying to wrap our brains around what was happening, trying to gather all the information we could to make heads or tails of what this meant.
Flash forward eight years.....
It seems for me that every year 9/11 becomes more intense. The years that Chris was still alive this day was always remembered with a flag flying (as it does everyday), with a moment of silence between us and talking about what it meant and how we felt that day. Since his death, this day is just as if someone reaches in grabs my heart and rips it out...again! I think about the families that were effected, now knowing the full depths of their pain. I think of the children, knowing now what it does first hand and imagining all those little faces as they were told that their mother or father had been killed. I see Oliver's little face and the complete but controlled devisatation that hit and changed his face forever. I think about all those who ran in pure terror, those who ran towads the terror to help, those who died helping...those who stood so close to where our country was attacked. I think about the heroes on the plane in PA, those last phone calls to family, those last minutes knowing those were their last minutes. Those at the Pentagon, just taken out like they were in a video game. No choice in the matter no chance to fight back, just gone in the blink of an eye. And then I think of America, those watching from so far, helpless, horrified and in shock.
Now, we look back and realize that 9/11 was not just a day that happened, it was a day that became in that instance our history. It became a very sad part of who we are, and defined and changed how we live our lives. Its a day that happened within our lifetime, its not something I read in a history book its my history, its the beginning of a chapter that has created so many novels on this time in our lives. This is what makes our history, this as awful as it was is what made us stand up and take notice. With that single moment in time America swelled with pride, swelled with patriotism. We decided that this was not okay that the Greatest Nation was not going to stand for this. We hung our flags, we helped our neighbors, we donated to charities to help those affected. We did what we always do as Americans, we ban together as brothers and sisters and show those who attacked us that they did not break us...they made us stronger. This is why, although I am not a born American I am so very proud to be an AMERICAN!!! I was not an American on this day eight years ago, not legally but my heart and soul were and will be forever.
Today, eight years ago did not just change those who were in New York City, it changed an entire nation. It ultered our history and it ultered over 5,000 men and women who answered the call of duty. The men and women who went to fight back to protect us. And no matter what your political views and beliefs are on 9/11 and this war, that is the bottom line. Many lives have been lost for our freedom, many lives have been ultered and changed forever and it was not in vien. Those lives lost that day and the lives since were not lost in vien....
I hope that today every American will look back remember where they were, who they were with, and how its changed their lives. For those of us who have lost to this war, today is a double whammy as we remember the terror of 9/11 and remember that that was the begining to where our journey is now, for those attacks is what drove our men and women into battle, and lead us to feel the same loss, pain and walk the same journey as all those families eight years ago.
For all the families of 9/11 you are not forgotten, you and your sacrifice will never be forgotten. As I think of you often and as I look in my children's eyes I finally understand what you must have seen that day and for everyday after. For all my widsters no words can express to you how grateful I am that you are in my lives that we share such an amazing bond that started with the most incredilbe men ever, who faught and died to protect us, I love each of you as family. For my Gold Star Families, you are in my heart everyday, your loss of a child is something I can comprehend, but the pain is. Today is a day that touches so many. May that feeling carry on beyond today into everday life.
Remembering September 11, 2001...today and everyday.
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